Sometimes I shield what I share and keep the vulnerable parts to myself. As I was praying through this last night, I realized my prayer was to use my heart break. Use the sadness. I want God to use what we have been through in the last 60 days to help others. I want God’s glory to shine on this story. I want Him to be all over it. When I’m not sharing the full story, I’m taking away from all that God is doing.
That’s not to say I’m going to spill my guts all over the internet when times get tough, that is to say that I will continue to write, pray, and share as I feel led. I will answer honestly when someone asks how I’m doing and truly wants to check on my heart.
We haven’t had enough time go by for me to find a true pattern, but so far, the beginnings of each month are hardest. Closer to the seventh, I think the days get tougher. Last month, this coincided with his birthday and a week of huge processing. This month, it’s been the post I wrote Friday that I didn’t realize would affect me as deeply as it did.
Those four letters were across another back, too.
That post had some finality to it for me. It shook me up when I wrote it, and I haven’t quite snapped out of it yet.