I’ve been in a funk lately. I can’t quite pinpoint what’s causing it, but I’m right in the big middle of it. Sunday it was presumably worse. Sundays are hard.
So I did the only thing I know to do when I can’t shake a funk. I got in my car, opened the sunroof, turned up the music and drove. I can think, pray, sing, laugh, cry, and just get it all out. As I drove, lyrics I’ve sung a thousand times were suddenly brand new and fresh to me.
I’m not the girl I was when I pulled out of here in that 1994 Ford Explorer in 2003. I wasn’t even 24 hours out of high school when I left. I came back with two college degrees, a husband, a son, and life experiences I wouldn’t trade for the world. Of course I’m different. In my head, though, it was as though I was coming back like the clock struck midnight on the life I had been living and the carriage turned back into a pumpkin.
God didn’t call 18 year-old me back to our hometown. He called 29 year-old me to step out in faith and go to where He was leading our family. We’ve been here almost a year, and some days, 30 year-old me feels as unsettled as the first night we spent here (we woke up Easter morning and promptly took ourselves right back to Revolution). Other days, I feel like maybe this is good. Maybe we are settling a little. All the days, though, I know that we are supposed to be here. I know that we took a step of faith and obedience in coming back when we did.
I know the time is coming when we will be more settled. Our home is underway. We have prayed that He would use us and our home to love those around us. That we could be part of reaching our hometown for His Kingdom. We are making moves toward being more plugged in in this community. My word for 2015 is settle, and we are trying to. I know it’s a process. Making friends and getting connected in a new community always is; I guess I’d just hoped we’d have a bit of an edge since we already knew people.
The hard days are still hard. Really hard. I don’t know exactly why we’re here or what it’s all supposed to look like in the end. I do know that when it’s all said and done, it will be worth it. Walking in God’s will for our lives always is. I catch glimpses here and there of why He has us here. I see little glimmers of what He might want for us in the long run. I know it will be good.
I felt this way exactly four years ago when I moved back to San Antonio with my new family. There wasn't a "Melissa-sized" hole waiting for me…my friends had moved on with their lives, and so had I. God will bless your obedience. <3